Dru-P's blog

Electrical Engineering

2012-02-07T16:58:00.000-08:00

I recently explained to somebody why I don't have an Electrical Engineering degree.
It was a degree I was quietly pursuing for a while.

I slowly took the math and physics classes required for an Electrical Engineering degree, while taking Computer Science and circuits classes. However when I got into the real Electrical Engineering classes, it's like the class split into two groups. Who helped each other and did homework together.

Other then those two groups there were 2 genius's who worked by themselves... and me..

It was like they seperated me and alienated me. I was having a little trouble in the class, and didn't know where to get help. I was also taking some very hard Computer Science classes at the time. The Electrical Engineering class just had us drawing circuits over and over again, solving for various currents and resistances.

I asked somebody if this ever got fun for them, and they responded. "When I can't solve a circuit, and I finally get the answer, I get such a good feeling" I was like "F that I get that with programming." So I gracefully bowed out to pursue Computer Science. In my defense at the time I was also highly addicted to an online computer game called "Zombie Panic: Source".

Just thought I'd clear things up. Much respect to my electrical engineers, but they did do me a little dirty. The same people that I coached through math. If I ever consider engineering again it will probably be Computer Engineering or Mechanical Engineering.

Belieeeedat

2011-09-28T13:33:00.000-07:00

It's 2011..

I hear all of these people saying, you need to stay at your job. Don't quit, be happy you got a job with this economy.. The reality of my job is it keeps me where I'm at. I'm broke 3 days before every paycheck. I got motivated with my side projects this much which brought home an additional 2,000. I thought that was good, until I realized that with the additional income I made 4,000 this month.

If I did that every month I'd be making 48,000 a year.. That's on the low end of what I should already be making. I think I should be making 50-100K a year.

So when you hear me complaining about my job, it's because I'm underpaid, I feel like I'm living in jail. Just surviving, and more importantly not happy.

So Now I'm trynna focus on things that make me happy.

I tried running all summer, but sitting around for more then 40 hours a week at work had me lazy. I never got in shape from running like I usually do this summer. But now it's cold out so I'll play basketball. I'm having more fun playing ball, and I put more into it. I won't go out and run for 3 hours a day, but I'll be at the gym for as long as I want.

I feel motivated to do music, even though I haven't put out a song since I got my job. I just let work take everything away from me. But I've dealt with problems at work, let my boss know I will smite him if he doesn't show proper respect to the godfather haha.

This is more of an update then anything else.. Currently working on getting in shape, and having fun, want to get started on some new songs and shows sometime soon. Cause Like Cartman Said "Butters, life goes by fast, if you don't stop to enjoy it, and do whatever you want all the time.. You could miss it"

Fight or Flight

2011-06-13T15:10:00.000-07:00

It's crazy that people see a chip in the armor and come at me from all angles. There's a saying, never back an enemy into a corner. Fight or flight.

I've been backed into several corners, and have let the animal out on occasion.
I know only I can beheld accountable for my actions. But it's easy to cast judgement when you're peering through a window.

So right now I'm going to address some of the things I've heard lately.

"You're just a spoiled bitch, having your mom paying for your shit"

Uhmm, ok. First off Teisha, I work over 40 hours a week. And on top of that I take on side projects and work to make enough money to live a lifestyle that you call spoiled. This whole momma's boy thing is crazy, something I've dealt with my whole life. I love my mom and have been fortunate to have a mother who cares enough about me to help me from time to time.

I haven't lived at home with my mom since I was 15. I'm a nerd in school, and that helped pay for a lot of my education. My mom didn't earn my computer science degree, my mom didn't get me running at a Division 1 level. I worked hard for everything I have. Hardwork, dedication, heart, and a good head on my shoulders.

Although I love my family and brothers, they couldn't do what I did.

I've been broke broke, wondering how I'm going to eat broke. I've stolen for food, I've had times where I had no place to stay. All in pursuit of my goals.

3 days before VK passed he told me "You always have a place to stay, you've done so much work that you should never have to worry about that."

You've seen my truck. What about that makes you think I'm spoiled? I rise to the occasion. And am thankfull that I have been able to rise and rise again, until lambs become lions ;) I'm not hear because I fell down, I'm here because I got up. That's dedication, dedication is my heart. I dare you to take it from me.

"You're a fake Gangster"

I never try to act hard, I've never pretended to be a ganster. When BRoyal passed away, his killers started making threats on my life. That's when I started hanging out with the cuzzo's a lot more. They're my best friends, and always have my back.

If people are saying they're going to kill me, you can't blame me for my actions.

Sometimes I can't go out without worrying about getting jumped, so that makes me act irrational. I'm a nerd, I'm far from a gangster. Swagger of a pimp, mind of a gent.

Every move I made I had my heart in it.

"You're going nowhere with music"

I haven't recorded a song in 9 months. I've been busy working, but I'm still getting paid off my albums. I have produced for several celeberities. My heads just not in music at this exact second.

I've never claimed to be the greatest, or untouchable, or anything. I do music for myself, as an outlet. So me going nowhere doesn't effect me right now. I'm Winning.

Hi haters, sorry for the hiatus.

I'm just warming up. I understand that I put myself up for scrutiny. If you do anything you have the risk of failing miserably. I do not apologize for any of my actions. You go all out or be gone. But if you come at me with a full head of steam, don't cry like a victim if you are publicly smited.

You're welcome,
Dru-P

Running in 2011

2011-05-09T14:52:00.000-07:00

When I went to Eastern Washington I went from running 0 to 70 miles a week in one week. My mindstate at the time was get in shape or get injured.

When I got back on the team after getting cut, I was running 70 miles a week, but I forgot how to race. Last year I once again suffered from not racing. I trained for one race and since I didn't have any other races under my belt, when things went bad, I got caught up in robot mode.

A mode where it's like my legs and lungs can push harder, but I'm just not mentally there. I wasn't in as good of shape as some of the other runners, but I still think I should have done a lot better.

Now in 2011 after having an office job, I've recently realized that I'm way out of shape. Way way out of shape. I guess thinking about it, I set myself up to be so out of shape. I'd eat junk food, go to work, sit down all day, drink pop. Go home just to lay around and watch Movies with my girlfrann. And She's the type of girl who couldn't gain a pound if she tried.

I started running about a month ago, but I would just go for a little while, and do the same short run over and over again. If it wasn't nice out I wouldn't run, but that's a problem in Alaska. The weather changes all the time, if I want to wait for nice days, I could be waiting for 2 weeks... Sometimes. And I'd keep telling myself that next week I'll step up my training, next week I'mma start pushing myself. I'd Play in basketball tourneys and do pretty good, which made me falsely believe I was in shape.

That all led to me staying the same, my attempts to run just made me lazier. Last week I kind of looked in the mirror at myself, like damn you fat bastard. What the fuck!? So I've been trying to step my training up. My mindstate isn't get in shape or get injured anymore. It's more get in shape safely.

This means running everyday, even if I feel like crap, or it's horrible outside. Doing hard days and easy days. The hard days might be just running more then 3 miles right now, as opposed to the easy days being shorter runs. In the past a hard day was a speed work out while the easy day would be an easy 13 mile run.

I'm going to have to push myself, just to get back up to high mileage. Also I need to do more then just one race, this means I have to put myself in a position to lose. Fear of losing is a huge driving force for me, but if I want to compete and win later I have to be able to lose right now.

If I get in a race right now and get my ass kicked, it'll set my body up for the next race. In 2011 I'm taking everything 1 day at a time, I'm not saying I'm going to just go out there and dominate. But I'mma do more steps to prepare myself.

Scrub now to shine later. It's going to be a lot of work, but hopefully I'm up for it.

lets have a toast

2011-05-02T10:54:00.000-07:00

So when I was out in Washington on the track team, a lot of people
on the team would straight up hate our other teammates.
Me and my boy E Walt never let any of our annoyances get to that point.
If somebody on the team annoyed us, we'd just say "Shut the Fuck Up" and get it out of our system.

Most of the team would just hold everything in. I think the term for that is called, being polite or something. There's a time for being polite and all, but there's also a time when you need to just say what's on your mind. You can't just let people walk over you. There's no need to let your annoyances grow. Just gotta say what's on your mind and get it out of your system sometimes.

That's where I'm at right now. I've been being polite to my boss. Too polite.
So I'm getting mad everytime he insults me. Hell I'm at a point where his voice pisses me off. I can't do that. I gotta bring back the asshole. If he smells like piss, I need to tell him to back the fuck up, or take a shower. If he's trying to take over my projects, just gotta verbally backhand him.

I'm a minority, which means I grew up getting made fun of. But more importantly I grew up making fun of people. It's all love. I can't just hold everything in. Gotta bring back the clown, rebirth of the asshole. Otherwise I'll go crazy. Cheers.. Let's have a toast to the douche bags, let's have a toast for the assholes. Let's have a toast for the scum bags, every one of them that I know.

Being an asshole won't make me magically like my boss, or anything. But it's going to keep me from hating him. And more importantly keep me from hating my job, thus improving the quality of life. haha

Dru-P

The Other Side

2011-04-05T10:29:00.000-07:00

Alright so there are two sides to every story. Two sides to every coin, or however that saying goes. I don't really get the opportunity to vent, that often. If I have drama I handle it, the whole world doesn't need to know.

I guess, everytime I have drama with the old (young) lady, she tells all her friends about it. So then I hear her guy friends telling her, "Just break up with him" or "He's not worth it", and then saying, "Come over." Or some crazy shit like that. Her girls tell her the same thing. But those bitches need to look in the mirror, everytime they get drunk they get emotional. They're single, and like they say, misery loves company.

I don't feel threatened by her guy friends, or those girls either. I just feel a little disrespected that they would put my name in their mouth. None of them know me, they don't know what I've been through, they don't know what I put up with, or do every single day. They just hear the bad and think they can disrespect me by putting my name in their mouth. Fuck yall.

I work my ass off. Every single day I let my girl know that she's loved, I spoil her. I love her.. There's good and bad, but mostly good in our relationship. When people start rumors, or just speak on me in a negative light. I ask you, what the fuck have you done in your life?

Like Atoine Ego said in Rattatouille,

"We thrive on negative criticism, which is fun to write and read. But the bitter truth we critics must face, is the average piece of junk, is probably more meaningfull then the criticism designating it so."

or in the words of Kanyeezy

"Tell the critics they can kiss my whole ass, oh I'm an asshole? Ya'll ni***s got joooooookes"..

or in the words of Jay-Z, "Fuck the other side, they jealous."

I know that in this world there are a lot of snakes in the grass. But sometimes it feels like everybody around me is a hair from Medusa. The creeps are going to creep. But step your game up at least, make up some more believable rumors. Some of you so called friends, need to get a life, or something. Work on yourself, before you feel the need to F my ish up.

I don't want to speak on my girl negatively. She deserves more then to be put in peoples mouths. I want everybody to see her as amazing as I do. Sorry I got kind of distracted and caught up on her friends, and didn't really tell much of my side of the story. I guess I'm just trying to say I love her, and if you're against that in any way.. Fuck You

Dru-P Signing Out

Happy New Year

2010-12-31T13:33:00.000-08:00

So 2010 was pretty much the shizzle.. Started off with youuuu knowww, then it got better. Finished my album "Nuchalawoyya" which besides track 2 came out exactly how I imagined it. I didn't market it or sell it how I should have, but I can work on selling it more in 2011.

I left EWU on top of the world, pretty much felt like the whole school was showing me love. Guess that's what happens when you're Van Wilder haha. They seen me down and brought me back up before I left. When I came back to Alaska, all of the kings horses and all of the kings men couldn't put humpty back together again.

I came back and was way out of shape, everybody clowned until I lost like 20 pounds, which may have came back this winter lol. I took a loss at the World Eskimo Indian Olympics, for the first time in like five years. But it's all good I deserved to lose..

Also I started playing basketball again this summer, and even though I don't have my handles like I used to, my shot's probably better then it used to be. Other then all of that I got a girlfrannnn. She's my baby baby bumpersticker doodleskins and I looove her. :) :) My Poca Poca.

Ummm.................. in 2011 I plan on getting back in shape, learning to cook, doing at least 1 mixtape, getting a better job, and all of that goot shtufff.. Mad at the world, while I'm Wishing ya'll a Happy New Year.. haha hope ya'll have a good one.

Shout out to C-Lay, Rodney Stuckey, Ant Shears, Kenny D, Mike D, Mike B, K Geezy, My family, and all of the cuzzos.

Dru-P

Can't Sleep

2010-11-16T10:38:00.000-08:00

"I don't wanna live no more, sometimes I hear death nocking at the front door,

I'm living every day like a hustle, another drug to juggle, another day another struggle"

-Notorious B.I.G.

Not exactly how I feel, but sometimes it's like the whole world is against you.

I have a poster from a Kanye West album on my wall. The poster is of a bear being

shot from a cannon, and the bear looks so free. The bear is on that spaceship.

Sometimes I look at that bear with envious eyes. Like the words of Kanye,

"Wait until I get my moneyyyy righhhht, then you can't tell me nothing rigggght."

"To whom, much is given, much is tested."

If I was that bear I'd probably crash into a building, or everybody around me would construct some kind of net to catch me. I'd be like one of those slow dogs thinking I escaped, when really I'm about to hit the end of the chain and choke myself. Really though, to whom, much is given much is tested. At the same time, I'm always free.

I've been getting calls from employers, all they do is brag about me, sometimes they call me overqualified. So I walk away from interviews feeling on top of the world, and then a couple of days later I never get a call back. Yup Yup.. Pretty full of win.. I respond by pretending to not care about money, because in my mind I'm on that spaceship.

The other thing that's been killing me, is making the same mistakes over and over again. I'll just tell myself I'm right, riiiiiiight.

Well anyways, Goodmorning.. Goodnight..

Dru-P

Random thoughts

2010-08-21T03:57:00.000-07:00

People ask me how I stay so humble, how I don't hold my accomplishments over other people's heads. How I don't look down on others. Honestly it's the same reason why I'm single.

Everyday I usually tell myself that I ain't shit. That I'm a loser, most of the trash people talk is just confirmation to what I'm already thinking. "I don't wanna live no more, sometimes I hear death nocking at my front door" - Biggie

Ever since I didn't answer the phone when Sharon hit me up, and that same night she well you already know. I'll have nights where I need to talk on the phone. Tonight's one of those nights but nobody's answering.

Feels like I've been holding everything in, I'm in love with a girl but she's not my girl. We treat it like the biggest secret in the world, and honestly I don't like that. Reminds me of me and misses V, except I pretend that I'm with a good girl this time. Like F the truth, I'd rather live in my own blind state of mind and be happy then face reality right now.

I train hard because I assume I have no talent and need to work for every inch. Nothing's ever good enough. Everybody is better then me.

I would do anything for anybody, But I feel like ya'll spit in my face sometimes. All I can do is prepare myself, train and work hard to be the best that I can be. I wish I had somebody to hold me down, but I can't worry about all that. I can go in on myself, I can bring myself down, but at the end of the day I gotta stay strong and focused.

You can hate me, you're allowed to hate me. I'm allowed to hate me. But always remember, I love you.

Dru-P

Negativity

2010-07-20T02:36:00.000-07:00

What I've come to realize is I thrive off of negativity. When I first went to EWU we had an asshole coach, everyday in practice he'd have something crazy to say to me.

He would say "You're not in high school anymore."
"Welcome to D-1"

If I wasn't doing good in a work out "Dru go run with the girls!!"

Then when I did good instead of praising me I'd hear him ball everybody else out for losing to me.

I loved that shit, everyday I just wanted to prove to him and myself that I could run and do well at that level. I put in work, then at the end of the year he said "Dru lose 10 pounds or your off the team"..

That's when I left the team for a while, I think that right there might of messed my head up.

When I came back to Alaska recently from Washington, everybody was like "Dam Dru, you got fat", "What you ain't running anymore?", "Looking pretty healthy Dru." and so on.. It's alright if the cousins clown me or people I'm close to, but when people I don't know come up and start saying that ish it started to piss me off. I used it as motivation, and laughed it off for a month.

Worked hard and lost 15 to 20 pounds in a month, and then people were still clowning. That's when it got crazy for me because I been putting in work and ya'll are still teasing me? I wanted to respond "Dam you got ugly" when somebody said "Dam you got fat" haha.. It almost made me want to be a hater myself.. Even the cousins got tired of hearing me get clowned on, like aiight jokes over..

But at the same time I love that, I use it.. It makes me want to work hard everyday, push myself. I don't know what kind of shape I'm in right now, but I know I've been working hard. I can look in the mirror with no shirt on and be like 50% happy right now haha. halfway superman..

It all comes back around, people are starting to show me love right now. And that has me missing the negativity almost. I assume my competition is better then me, in better shape, working harder. Out of every race there is only 1 winner, winning isn't normal, so why should I try to be normal.

Teachers would make fun of my work, they would roast me. Because they said I could take it, and if they used others as an example they would probably break down. Negativity is a gift and a curse. Nothings ever good enough, all you can do is try to find perfection in the imperfections. But that never works for me, I thrive in the storm. Bring me drama, make me feel worthless, and I'll love you forever.

Dru-P

Thoughts on Nuchalawoyya

2010-07-14T00:27:00.000-07:00

Nuchalawoyya thoughts- track by track

Intro-

This is an athabascan prayer said by Helen Peters. I originally wanted the Nuchalawoyya song to be sang, but I had issues getting people together, and I thought the prayer had more impact. When she first said the prayer something went wrong with the computer and it kind of made her voice go in slow motion, sounded scary. Glad I got it fixed hahah.

Back Again-

At this time the chorus still needs to be redone for this song, I'm debating on what I'm trying to do for the chorus. In Back Again I say "After the storm we tried to see the sunlight, who would of knew Mary Edwin's son was so bright, but too much sunshine ain't always pleasant, without the rain you're just left with a desert." There's a lot in those 4 lines, basically referencing our first 2 albums, "After the Storm", "See the Sunlight", saying that I'm shining now, but I can't always shine, can't always be all good. Just gotta push through.

Do it For You-

I originally didn't want to rap on this song I just wanted to do the chorus, but I liked what I did say. I addressed the trial with Billy Royal Moreland, where we lost very publicly in court. Talked about how that made me psycho and how I kind of held everything in.

Come with Us-

I think this will be a lot of people's favorite song off of Nuchalawoyya. It just has a feel good classic type of vibe to it. I had this beat laying around, we were listening to some of our old freestyles one day and were like dam that beat goes hard, so we put it on and went to work. We recorded this at the Mission. Clay killed it on this song, one of the funnest songs I remember recording haha..

They Got Him Skit-

When we were doing "Seen the Teeth" we were kind of partying at the mission, and somebody nocked on the door crying, saying "Booger's Dead".. This was on Christmas, and you know we lost VK the year before on Christmas. We just said "That ain't real!!", "Booger ain't dead".. and closed the door and kept on recording. Come to find out he really did get stabbed and almost passed away that night, hahaha.. Poor Boog

Seen The Teeth-

As I already said we were kind of partying when this song was made, I like this song though, to the people who look at what I say in this song and judge me for it. Just know that in between albums I spent days so broke I was like "How am I going to eat??", When you get that hungry, and you see somebody eating, it's animal nature to rob them. I spent times where I was so heartbroke seeing everybody else in a relationship, where all the good girls are taken. So Why not rob somebody of their girlfriend?? You can judge me all day but I never claimed to be perfect haha..

Keep On Keeping On-

Vaughn did a song way back in the day where he said "and I'mma keep on keeping on over and over". That was kind of the theme behind this song. Also, people in Alaska forget that we live in Paradise. Like alright I'm having a bad day, but still it's a good day, just look outside.

This song starts off with a cop leaving me a voicemail, at the time I had a warrant out for my arrest, for a robbery that happened in Alaska when I was in Washington. The cop sounded like a creep saying "Dru-P" so I had to put it on the album. We talk about things we were going through, like you can throw all that at me and I'm still going to shine.

One of These Mornings-

My favorite sample on the album the beat just sounds clean. "One of these mornings, it won't be very long, they will look for me, and I'llllll be gonnnne"... We're talking about just getting the F**k up outta here, throwing a smoke bomb and arriving somewhere else.. Like Peace Cuz

Got What it Takes-

Haha Clay wrote this chorus when I was in California competing at Big Sky Conference championships for track. "I got my 1:30 ho's, 2:30 ho's, my 3:30's love to get down" That pretty much explains it, message me and I'll explain more hahaha..

Ak's Finest-

I was kind of in the storm when we did this song. Clay flew out to Washington to work on the album, and we kind of partied for 4 days.. I thought my track season was over and then coach calls me and said I qualified for Conference. I felt bad, I still feel like we both did good on this song. I didn't know what to say so I just wrote the most ridiculous ish I could think of.

Oh yeah and at Conference after 4 days of partying, I raced in 105+ degree weather and PR'd, did way better then I was supposed to. Basically just represented.

Represent-

The theme of this song was kind of like "Bitch Girl" where I just wanted to clown. I said we'd trade off every 8 bars, and we did that throughout the whole song. We started out clowning then each of our verses got better and better throughout the song. I really like the chorus, it's like it'll lift you up. Clay killed it on this song.

Another Day Another Dollar-

Squidward "Another Day another Nickel" haha.. This song was tight I love the beat, something ya'll can native dance to haha. I wrote my verse off of the Ga'leeya song. So I take pieces of that song and throw it into my rap. "Oh heya hey heeya- heyda heytz he's dumb"..

I say some ish on this song but I don't know if ya'll will understand it haha.

Invasion-

This is kind of like American Holocaust. I talk about what happened with natives, and what's going on today. Clay's mad that he never got to kill this beat, but in concerts he's going to perform something on this too.

Doz skit-

This was originally supposed to be a skit where I'd let Dozer do something. Let him do a freestyle or whatever he wanted. Because he been going on stage with us for years and he hasn't been on a single album yet. However, Ish happened during Nuchalawoyya and Doz had to go back to Fairbanks before I got home from the fireline, so it was replaced with a J Buck imitation skit haha..

Time Away-

This is a remix with Clay on it. You can youtube Dru-P Time Away to see the original.

Falling (R.I.P. VK)-

Had to dedicate a song to Vaughn, my verse talks about the days when he first passed, Clays verse is about getting back up from falling. Cuz there ain't no victims around here!

My Momma-

Had to show love to our momma's. Cuz we never really had no Dad's growing up.

Plus both Clay and I have had to listen to people talk bad about or mom's when we were young, you never really forget what people say. This song is showing or mom's some love. Love conquers all.

Sweet Dreams-

This is a bonus track, On my part I talk about dreaming I'm still with Paula. I was having dreams at the time of her, and it was kind of pissing me off haha, and then I go on to talk about how my dreams fuel me. It kind of has a native drum beat to it..

Outro-

Nuchalawoyya song, and then a late elder explains that the song was made by 2 guys coming down on a raft. And how she'll never forget the song they sang, when she was just 12 years old.

What I think about Nuch as a whole

I say Nuchalawoyya is us, it's empowerment, coming together. I guess I just wanted my production to sound fresh throughout it all. It's kind of like a Clipse album, the first time you hear it you might have two or three songs that you like. Then on the second and third listen you like the other songs, and pretty soon you're going to be feeling it.

But just like the Clipse albums, not everybody is going to feel it. Nuchalawoyya doesn't have a "Better Days", it doesn't have a single that stands out, I think the whole album stands out. It's like "For the Fam" where we didn't worry about making the songs appeal to everyone, we just had fun making songs.

I know I got a big fanbase of 12 year olds who wanna hear me talk about girls, and do songs that read like a diary. Like awwe Poor Dru-P :( hahaha.. I'm worried that Nuch only has like 4 songs like that, but at the same time it's more focused then the songs that my myspace fanbase is used of hearing. Also another complaint I have is there aren't enough story songs. But it's all good as long as we can paint a picture

Nuchalawoyya is a collection of anthems that describe how we're living. The good, the bad, competition, girls, eha ha na ha, family, culture, everything. It's the most native album that has ever been made. It might cure cancer. Onee' Nuchalawoyya

I hope ya'll listen, we worked hard on this. Hi haters, sorry for the hiatus. But we're back now. Theme music, Feel Good Music, let's start the movement...

hhaha

Dru-P

A problem of mine

2010-06-25T02:14:00.000-07:00

So when I broke up with P I was really messed up, I wasn't sleeping, I was kind of crazy. One night after we had an argument on the phone I just kind of hid out in my room.

That night Sharon called me up, and she tried to talk to me on myspace too, but I was just really heartbroke I didn't want to talk to anybody. The next day I found out that Sharon had passed away, and I felt like it was my fault. Like I should have answered the phone, that all just added to the storm that I was in.

Clay came through and we did the second half of our album, Dedication in like 5 days. That pretty much got me out of the storm for a week but as soon as he left I was back to not sleeping again.

Eventually I started calling girls up and talking to them, and for some reason that helped me to sleep at night.. That lead to some drama because some girls would catch feelings for me when all I was doing was talking to them, but I mean it helped me to get through everything.

Now that it's been like 3 years since I dated P I don't need to talk on the phone anymore to go to sleep, but occasionally I'll have a night where I feel like I need to talk... The only problem is, now I don't have anybody to call..

So I'm looking for a new line up.. Because I don't even have any prospects haha

Dru-P

Poems, thoughts, and songs from the fireline

2010-06-15T14:17:00.000-07:00

After about day 9 of firefighting and being in the woods I ran into somebody named Rambo who was on a camp crew. He had a notebook and I asked him to get me one. So after 9 days of firefighting I started writing. It was cold wet and miserable, I was kinda feeling down. This is what I did to cope. A collection of poems, songs and thoughts from the fireline. I know they're kind of sad, but it gave me something to put my mind into. There's more just didn't feel like sharing everything I wrote. I filled that whole little notebook in like 4 days haha..

Misses V

Misses V are you missing me?

Did you think of him

when kissing me?

You can learn something from everything

what was I meant to see?

Some things just ain't meant to be

a lot of cracks in our history

Painfully refreshing, listerine

La jefa la reyna

a Bitch or queen?

Hair, smile and a booty can't fit in jeans

To tell you the truth, I'm missing you

I'd give anything just to visit you

Every second every hour I think of you

Angels exist, living proof

You will always be loved, I will always love you

So sorry for the trouble, there's no others above you

Los ojos, el pelo, but most of all your touch

Thankfull to know you, still love you so much..

I hope he (Variation 1)

I hope he gives you everything your heart could desire

and treats you better then you've ever been treated

I hope he has you feeling, loved, wanted, respected and needed

Most importantly gives you something to believe in

I hope he makes you smile and makes you laugh

and makes the present forget the past..

I hope ya'll have a blast

I hope one day ya'll are driving fast, and both ya'll fucking crash

You left me for him.. Kiss my fucking ass

I hope he (Variation 2)

I hope he gives you everything your heart could desire

and treats you better then you've ever been treated

I hope he has you feeling, loved, wanted, respected and needed

Most importantly gives you something to believe in

I hope he makes you smile and makes you laugh

and makes the present forget the past..

Because you deserve nothing less then the best

something like perfection

cuz you're the strongest person I know

from only you I accept rejection.

And if your man ever messes up

in the slightest bit at all

I hope you still have my number

Give me a call

If today was my last day

Tell Paula I love her

Tell Judy I miss her

Tell my momma I'm sorry

Hug my brothers and sisters

Tell Kim I tried

Give the cuzzos my ride

I've been staring through the window

and now I'm inside

Tell Clay hold it down

Tell Dozer start living

Tell my fans I love them

tell the haters they're forgiven

Tell my killer thank you

Tell the world I'm free

Give my heart to my fam

and Bury me a G

Morena Morena "Mi Favorito"

Morena Morena

I wish you existed

Morena Morena

You've got me so grifted

mas bonita del mundo

smart, uplifting, beautiful

the most amazing girl that you could know

hard working, intelligent and musical

I wish you really existed

curly hair pretty smile and through her almond eyes

is a wold that's different

Morena Morena

I wish you were real

Morena Morena

You help me to feel

If you were real I'd be afraid to know you

Couldn't imagine all the things I go through

I wish you were here and I miss you so much

Even though we never met You're always cheering me up

Just the thought of somebody so perfect

smart funny and a real hard worker

If you were mine you'd be la reyna

I hope one day to meet a Morena

Get me the fuck up out of Here

My head hurts shoulders hurt

feet hurt hands swollen

gotta stomache ache, back ache, no pain showing

cold feet, wet boots, miles left of walking

No girls, no food, and people won't stop talking

Heartbroke no hope can't seem to focus

body drained, mind strained bugs swarming like locust

rain coming, feet moving, can't see clear

Somebody please get me the fuck up out of here!!

Nothing

Going through the motions, eating breathing robotic

emotionless narcotic with nothing to do

Sometimes I fear having nothing to prove

even more having nothing to look forward to

"nothing" will kill you

when asked if I have a problem I'll say it's nothing

probably bluffing, sometimes nothing is so handcuffing

But nothing is what I pretend to need

cut deep with nothing to bleed

They say man comes with a hole in his heart and nothing can fill it

Thought Judy and Paula helped they only made the hole bigger

Sometimes I just fire when nothing is the trigger

nothing, de nada another part of living

How do you solve a problem when nothing can fix it??

I got hate in my heart

I got hate in my heart for the mother fucker that killed Billy

For the court, the jury and his family as they all smiled when his killer walked free

I got hate in my heart for the cop that killed Sonya

For the rope that took too many of my friends to name

I got hate in my heart for Mathew Stevens

That softy still talking shit after our cousin got killed

making threats not knowing it's on when I see him

I got hate for my demons. Maybe the hate is from my dad when he was mad

watching him beat my mother, just me and my brothers hiding underneath them covers

wondering how he could do that if he really loved her.

I hold no hate for the teasing in my upbringing

but the scars don't go away they only deepen.

They say let it go. Take it as a lesson

But that hate drives me, and my lifes still threatened

the hate inspires me, keeps me sharp

Sometimes you have to strike first when you carry a target

the hate will kill you

it's hard to deal with

But when you're numb for so long it's a constant feeling

I was born with hate coming up as a native

it ain't going nowhere might as well just embrace it

A letter to Paula

From time to time I still think about you. I still miss you.

You showed me what love is and I threw it away. I know I messed up,

you always deserved better then the way that I treated you..

We choose to remember what we choose to remember

and all I remember is good. When you left I forgot how to act,

I was lost without you. I apologize for all of my actions.

I still think that you're beautiful, smart, funny and that you have a real big heart.

Thank you for showing me what love is. I learned a lot from you.

You treated me better then I ever deserved to be treated.

And were there for me whenever needed.

You deserve the best for all the work you put in.

Just for the person you are.

You're beautiful and I will always love you.

Thank You

Dru-P

I'll do my crying in the Rain

I'll do my crying in the rain

let them drops cover shame

can't be seen in this state

let that rain hide my face

I'll do my crying in the rain

let it wash away my pain

can't be seen in this state

let them drops cover shame

I've been hurting for weeks

and holding the pain in

cold wet and miserable

no need for explaining

Been trying so hard

but nothing is changing

Since she left

it hasn't stopped raining

If she seen me

She'd call me names

Not knowing she's the source of all my pain

and I don't really have anyone to blame

I'll do my crying in the rain

let them drops cover shame

can't be seen in this state

let that rain hide my face

I'll do my crying in the rain

let it wash away my pain

can't be seen in this state

let them drops cover shame

She hurt me bad, she cut me deep

Since she left can't seem to sleep

Wipe them tears off with my shirt

put on my hat and go to work

I'll do my crying in the rain

Cuz she can't see me in no pain

Opened my mouth and only said hi

Tried to talk but my tounge got tied

With so much pain deep down inside

and all this pain I have to hide

I'll do my cryin in the rain

wait baby please let me explain

She's happy now with another

Just can't let her see me suffer

I'll do my crying in the rain

Let them drops cover shame

She's happy now with another

Please don't let her see me suffer

Still love her

Wish she didn't do that, Not Man enough to Stop her

Wish she didn't do that, not man enough to stop her

My baby is so dam crazy and she never acting proper

All I do is spoil her, treat her like the best

In the back of my mind knowing she's still messing with her ex

I'm looking for something that could never really be

But at the same time I enjoy her company

When I try to confront her, she says it is what it is

I pretend that it isn't and everyday I wish

I wish she didn't do that, not man enough to stop her

Thinking she'll change but she's stuck in her ways

My girl "Friends" wanna punch her in the face

But there's comfort in the pain, passion in her eyes

Love in her smile and beauty in her soul

My heart was shattered and she made it whole

I'd give her the world and never abuse her

Not man enough to stop her, cuz I couldn't stand to lose her

(such a f'n loser :( hahahha))

Untitled

Every girl I ever had said she regretted ever knowing me

treated some good never let some close to me

and daddy wished he never had me

There once was love

Now they all just attack me

I don't like good girls, I like the mean ones

So every relationship is like a re run

Starts out good then they get their cheat on

I just want somebody to lean on

So lets have some fun,

please don't get upset

I'd love to be your next regret

It don't gotta be deep I don't need to trust you

to my daddy and them girls

just know I still love you...

Always

Mind Over Matter

Mind over matter

Gotta keep my mind over matter

I don't love you I love your illusion

You're beautiful, sexy amazing..

I even love that you're crazy

But I can't base everything off of attraction

mind over matter

Brains over passsion

Because what I have in my heart is everlasting

Beauty fades but dumb is forever

Dumb is contagious

Miss being Dumb together

When the memories hurt

I practice convenient amnesia

Just pretend it never happened

and I didn't have to leave ya

Your illusion can change, if I give it some time

I was blind to deception

Clueless to the lies

You ruined that perception

I'll heal if I try

Mind over matter keep my mind over matter

my minds all that matters

though I'm reminded far after...

(In response to mind over matter)

At the end of the day it's all in my head

Mind over matter just doesn't sound right

what do you do when your mind isn't right??

Blog

When I say I miss Paula that's only halfway true.

We haven't talked in like 3 years, I miss the idea of her. I miss the security.

I miss the love and trust. But I honestly don't remember her touch. She took care of me, cooked for me some bomb ass food. I miss talking to her. I know she's way different now, I know I'm different now, I know I didn't always treat her good or let her know what was on my mind. I know I fucked up. She told me all I represented was attraction. So after we broke up I promised myself that in my next relationship I would try harder. Met misses V and all I did was spoil her because she was the wold to me. I feel like I wasn't always real with Misses V. She wasn't looking for a man and all that had me confused. I love misses V but I guess some things just ain't meant to be. Even though we were never as close she got me back to living.

Gave me a new girl to miss. Made me feel again. I guess she insipred me. I'm not worried too much about finding a girl, but right now I could use one. I want somebody to spoil, I want somebody to talk to.

You might read this and think I'm soft. I wrote this all while wildland firefighting. While working hard, getting rained on, being miserable. So of course my mind would wander to better days and times. When I'm out here in the woods I'm alone and lonely. I miss and love Misses V, and Paula but at the same time I focus on me. They both have new boyfriends I'm still single. I work hard today for a brighter tomorrow, but always remember.

Dru-P loves you

Nuchalawoyya

2010-05-31T02:21:00.000-07:00

The title of C-Lay and I's new album is Nuchalawoyya. I wanted to give you a quick definition of what Nuchalawoyya is and what it once was.

Nuchalawoyya is "Where the two rivers meet".. The two rivers that come together at Nuchalawoyya are the Tanana and Yukon Rivers. Nuchalawoyya is in the village where C-Lay and I live.. Back in the day people from many villages would come together to compete at Nuchalawoyya. Tribal leaders would come to Nuchalawoyya to discuss tribal matters, as the rivers held a strong cultural significance.

Nuchalawoyya is coming together. Nuchalawoyya is empowerment. Where you represent, test yourself, and compete. Nuchalawoyya for me represents a time past, where our village was strong. Nuchalawoyya is a time of celebration, a party, but it's much more then just that.

There was a long time period where Nuchalawoyya stopped happening, and now a days Nuchalawoyya is thrown every other year but they just call it "Mini Nuch".. We're bringing back the real Nuchalawoyya..

Our album Nuchalawoyya is amazing in my opinion. It's a little different then the other albums, I tried to make sure more with this album that both Clay and I liked every song. A lot of the material is "Feel Good Music" which I explain in "Invasion", a track about the native struggle both home and nationwide..

We had a 3 year hiatus in between Dedication and Nuchalawoyya.. In that time I've focused on track, college and everything in between. C-Lay been focusing on school his fam and basketball. In that time one of our best friends Vaughn passed away. He's in our music videos from Nuchalawoyya ("AK's Finest", "Represent", and "Falling").. We dedicated Falling to VK.

In the hiatus between albums we almost quit a couple of times. We went on tour got in a fight, had our Deposits taken from venues because fights broke out during our shows, windows were broken. It's like we couldn't go anywhere without crazy drama. My truck got shot twice in a drive by while we were doing the AK's finest music video shoot. Later that summer they told us to not come back to doing shows at the Tanana Valley State Fair because they claim we said a few swear words during our "All ages show".. The Media, and a lot of the public seemed to be against us. When you live in the spotlight people want you to fail, they want something negative to happen to you. Also we constantly have had to deal with the crab pot syndrome growing up, where people don't want you to do things.

I had a studio that got robbed of mic's and other equipment. Clay missed flights to come out to Washington and work on the album, due to circumstances out of our control.. I'm almost not believing that we actually got the shit done.

There were times where Clay was rapping so good in Nuchalawoyya that the only thing I could do was say the most ridiculous things I could think of. I feel like our hooks are dope as fuck on Nuchalawoyya too. It's like a collection of anthems that describe our lifestyle and how we live. Production is similar to "For the Fam" where the beats have a classic feel to them. I ain't going to lie with all of the drama I kind of picked a lot of instrumentals geared towards Clay's style. Cuz I knew if he got excited for the album that would make me more excited for the album..

The problem with "Dedication" is that I was so heartbroke during the album that I felt like I had to prove that we were better then the competition. Production wise I was trying to do what other people were doing just better. With "Nuchalawoyya" I'm just having fun, trying to be creative. "Trying to uplift so we make feel good music, eha ha na ha let's start the movement."

I did a collection of mixtapes in between Dedication and Nuchalawoyya. But I never put much effort into them I was kind of uninspired. I had to deal with my heartbreak, and I was kind of psycho for a while. Got in fights, got jumped, did some questionable things. After dealing with VK passing I kind of held a lot in, and then we had the trial for Billy Moreland (BRoyal) where we took a very public loss in court. That was so hard, I wanted revenge, and then when I got back to Washington I just felt numb. Like nothing inspired me, I couldn't feel. How do you live when you have nothing to look forward to?

"Relationships in another U son, to get over the old girl you gotta get a new one." -Joe Budden

I met a mexican girl who got at me and she was Soooo beautiful. She made me excited to be alive again, gave me something to look forward to. Even though we ain't together anymore she kind of put me back on track and got me back into Nuchalawoyya. Reminded me that I'm dope.

"If I could go through all that and still be breathing. Bitch Bend Over I'm here for a reason.." Kanye West

I feel confident with the album because it's us. It's new, different, and real. Got me back to trying. Still sleeping on couches but now I'm thriving. With one key message for my natives and my people.. Represent

Dru-P

You Go All Out or Be Gone

2010-04-26T19:07:00.000-07:00

On my run today I remembered when somebody on the track team told me, after I went through a long Dru-P hiatus. "You need to get your heart broke again, so you can drop another Better Dayz".

And although I hate to admit it a lot of truth was said in jest. When I'm chilling in my own comfortable zone I can just chill, work, and handle my business. I don't need that attention or praise. I need somebody to come through and destroy me, fuck my whole world up, so I can rebuild.

Every time I've been brought down I've come back stronger. The hurt makes me work harder, makes me reach higher, and aspire to be better both physically and mentally. Every time you see me doing big things for myself, and not for the team. It's because I'm hurt. I'd usually prefer my cousins or my boys get shine instead of me, but I'd like to thank every girl who has brought me down.

Every body who has put me in the storm, and made me feel, all I can do is thank you. When you see me out here being crazy, wilding out, partying, and having fun. Just know that you're looking at a native who's heartbroken. You are looking at the worst of me, that's me dancing with my demons. I'm not really trying to make a point here, other then a broken heart will make you do crazy things. Never give up, you go all out or be gone. My addiction to winning makes it hard for me to end a relationship that's abusive or negative.

And instead of accepting defeat I have a habit of needing acceptance, needing shine, and needing praise from those around me. This habit makes me act irrational in the presence of rejection. It's a good and a bad thing. But with this current relationship ending, watch out.. I'm back. That Dru-P hiatus is over.

It's like my boy said when he was on a diet, "I need to eat something every once in a while to shock my system." This girl was a shock to my system, a needed distraction. I may have caught feelings and had them hurt, but I'mma come back stronger, faster and harder then before. You go all out or be gone. Thank you for the fuel, I still wuvvs you mami. Always and forever

Letter to the "Good Girls"

2010-04-25T18:05:00.000-07:00

This is a letter to my "good girls" and not my good girls. The "Good Girls" are quick to cast judgment on others. They call the girls around me sluts, gold diggers, Dru-P groupies, crazy and ugly. Ya'll keep the real good girls away from me, because they don't want a label for being around me.

I invite you "good girls" to be crazy, dance with your demons, walk in another persons shoes. Because the so called sluts, gold diggers, and groupies have my back. A lot of them would do anything for me, and just because they're seen with me doesn't mean that I'm messing with them. When's the last time a "Good Girl" has ever done anything for me?

It's easy to form a perception of people, when you're on the outside looking in. Ms. Holy Roller can talk about all of the sins other people are committing, how many lives have you saved? What the fuck have you done with your life?

I didn't wanna answer the phone once because I was down, and that night the girl who hit me up committed suicide. When I'm down "Good Girls" have never been there for me. Shout out to the crazy's because when shit hit's the fan ya'll are there for me and have my back. So when I'm up, ya'll coming with me..

And to the real good girls, I don't bite, I'm not my nephew. hahhaha.. But real talk, don't worry about other peoples perceptions of you so much. Have fun, and as long as you're hearts in it, nobody can touch you.

Dru-P

As I prepare to leave EWU

2010-04-18T18:39:00.000-07:00

Today I was kind of wondering about how I'm going to be remembered out here in Washington. As I get ready to leave, I was kind of reflecting on things I did out here. I feel like I've been doing it big from the second I arrived on campus. My freshmen year we did it real big out here, we were everywhere.

Then I got wifey'd up, spent years kind of laying low with girl. In that time it was like I knew everybody and was cool with everybody but hardly anybody knew me. I was everybody's friend in public but outside of shaking hands I only hung out with girl, the track team and that's pretty much it.

I went through that break up and ya'll seen me wilding out for a while. I would go all out in practice hoping that the fatigue in my body would take some pain from my heart. Spent a little while being crazy, and wildin' out. Then I focused on school and handled that business, kind of layed low. I feel like I'm out being crazy, being everywhere again as I get ready to leave.

My boy ran into a celebrity and off of his one meeting with him, he had the assumption that that celebrity was an asshole. Maybe celeb was having a bad day, maybe you were being a groupie or came at him wierd. But that got me thinking, that some people shape their whole perception of somebody off of one encounter. What do people think of me? How do I want to be remembered?

I can see how people could see me as an asshole, I know I threw some touch Pam's when I was heart broke. I know I went into clown mode on several occasions yelling "Pour some drink on that Bitch" and other times I'd actually pour drink on a b@#ch if she got out of line. When I felt disrespected I showed too much heart, or clowned too hard on several occasions. I know some people are going to hate me for that, while others love me for the fact that I don't hold back.

You can spend your life being upset with me because I clowned you, but look in the mirror, you deserved it on 95% of the occasions. I know people are going to remember me for Gamma Phi Garbage, but there's more story behind the track then most care to know.

I guess I would like to be remembered as that native, as real. I kind of got played out here, got done kind of dirty this last year by the first girl that I let get close to me since my ex. After I got played I swear girls were coming out of the woodworks, showing me love. I'm like where were ya'll in the 2 years prior? Timing is everything, and even though I know I'll catch feelings for people I let close to me., I'm still letting all of them get to know me a lot more then I have in the past. I've worked hard for everything I have, I've been through a lot in my life. I've always been dedicated and hard working, ya'll don't need to see that, I don't require anybody to show me love for the work that I put in. One thing people in Washington haven't seen is my love and respect for my family back home, out here I am the only native, out here I am always alone, but out here.. I represent..

I'm thankful to have ever been given the opportunity to get to know everybody. I've always had a lot of fun out here. Got nothing but love and respect for all of ya'll even my enemies. If you know me as Dru-P the nerd, the dope boy, the cuzzo, or that native. Just know to me ya'll the greatest. Shout out to Mike B, Mike D, Ant Shears, JJ, J Love, Quincy, Patrick Chessar, Kenny D, Curtis Suver, E Walt, James Conrick, Pre Married lil kev, G-Money, all the hunnies. Future playboy bunnies, and everybody who owes me money. My roommates Paulson, Zornes, Wags and everybody else.

Nothing but love..

Top 5 Scariest things I've woken up to. (3 of the 5)

2010-04-16T22:37:00.000-07:00

OK so I said I'd do my top 5 scariest things that I've woken up to so far. Here's 3 of the top 5, Los Ojos de Linda is in the top 5 and later I will describe my crash that will round out the top 5. I'm not asking you to believe anything that I write, this is my own account of things I've seen, or experienced. My reality is different then your reality. I may see or feel things that others don't, everybody is unique in their interpretations of things. I think that the Voices is more of an honorable mention.

Held Against the Wall

When I was a senior in high school there were really bad earthquakes going on in Alaska. I felt like I was always fearless, so as the biggest earthquake hit, I think it was around an 8.0, I ran out of my dorm, and ran towards a lobby where I knew people were. Next thing I know the walls were like Jello, I don't know if the wall moved or something from the earthquake threw off my inner ear, but it felt like the wall just came out and hit me in the head. It was crazy. The backstory behind this is that C-Lay and I got stranded in Grand Coulee on our way to Lake Chelan, a very popular Memorial Day weekend party place. We spent most of the day in hickville stranded at a gas station. I had a dream where I was back in that gas station.

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

One night recently when I was about to go to sleep I felt like I wasn't alone on my bed. I was tired so I prayed and then fell asleep. But in my dream I had drank one beer and somehow got wasted. Then it felt like I was floating towards the wall, kind of like doing the moonwalk. The wall came out and hit me, sort of how it did in that earthquake. Next thing I knew I was off the ground being held against the wall. Like something was pulling me up the wall outside of my control, and people in the gas station were staring at me scared.

When I awoke, I swear I landed on my bed. It was like I was floating in my sleep being held against the wall as well. It felt like there was something very evil Behind me, in the wall. I layed in that bed and prayed for about 30 seconds and then ran out of the room.

The craziest thing about that story is that I never slept in that room again, and when I told people back home that I was scared, they all freaked out.

Voices

Back in the day my big brother and I had basketball practice at 6 am, We slept with it pitch black in our room and we used to sleep on bunk beds. One morning I woke up before the alarm went off and I swear something whispered in my ear, "go back to sleep."

When I heard that I ran and turned the lights on, the next week I moved into the other room. And went to sleep listening to music from then on.

Grabbed By fallen Love

This was a very scary time for me. I used to mess with a girl who was very beautiful, but she had a sort of boyfriend/secret boyfriend/jumpoff who was murdered a few months before we started talking. She often said I reminded her of him. Sometimes at her house if it was dark I'd see things in the mirror or it would seem like I could see something out of the corner of my eye, but when I focused it would be gone.

One night it seemed like I was just about to go to sleep, and something grabbed me. It grabbed me from around my waist, and pulled my waist out of my body, I was still attached at the shoulders to my body, and whatever grabbed me was slipping. It slipped down further and was soon pulling at my ankles, so my waist and ankles were in the wall but my head and shoulders were still attached to me. When whatever grabbed me had finished losing its grip and slipping, I shot back into my body. I gasped for breath.

As that experience had scared me, I tried to hold onto my girl at the time. When I got close to her she hit me, and spoke in English and Spanish. She was basically saying, "Oh you're alive now!?! what the fuck you're alive??" She hit me a couple of times. When I told her the story she knew what had happened. That was part of the reason we stopped talking, and I may have actually pushed that spirit away that night. I'm sorry for doing that, but at the same time. Leave me alone, don't try to drag me out of my body.

Unexplainable

Ok this one I have a harder time explaining. One night I woke from my sleep, with the lights on. (I don't really sleep with the lights off, since Los Ojos de Linda, not in that house at least.)

It felt like there was something laying in my bed with me or something, I wasn't moving I was just looking around my room. I don't know if I felt something, or seen something, the next moment I was outside of my bed. I think that it felt like my my blankets were getting lifted although I'm not sure.

All I know is that I had found myself in the middle of my room staring at my bed, I think I seen a slight shadow but not really anything there. But it felt like something really evil was moving from my bed towards me. I yelled "Get the Fuck away from Me." Twice. I was so freaked out, and when I yelled that whatever I felt stopped approaching me and slowly left. I moved my bed, and a girl called my phone up.

She had never been to my house in Washington or really knew much about it, but she said she had a dream where she was running to go see me because something didn't feel right. She went to my house, ran down the stairs and seen a shadowy figure hovering over my bed. She grabbed me in her dream and pulled me away from it. She pretty much accurately described my house in the phone call. Talking to her probably made me more scared then whatever had just happened did haha.. That sucked..

Los Ojos de Linda

2010-03-20T18:20:00.000-07:00

So I met this girl, and for some reason her eyes really stuck out to me. I mean her eyes are always open wide, and they are very pretty. But I couldn't really pinpoint why her eyes have been so interesting to me. Then when I was running, it hit me.. They reminded me of one of the 5 scariest things I've ever woken up too. So here's the story "Los Ojos de Linda" please note that I asked girl for permission to write this, and include her and she told me to change her name.. ;) hahhaha

Blog taken from Myspace written on February 23, 2009..
"So last night. I got off the phone at around 1:00 AM. and I was trying to sleep for around 30 Minutes..Sometimes when I'm sleeping I pull the covers over my head a little bit.

At about 1:30 AM, I turn over to shift the side that I'm sleeping on, and my head comes out from under the covers so I open my eyes to look. I was previously sleeping facing the wall.

The second I opened my eyes I realized that something was wrong.

I seen somebody staring at me. Like a very dark skinned female. There's this Indian chick on the Soccer team who's really really dark and that's who it reminded me of. Like a pitch black female, my room was dark so all I could see were eyes and the outline of a body.

I think I yelled twice, like aaaAAAHHH!!!, and I moved to the corner of my bed. I kind of felt cornered, as this girl continued to stare at me for around 5 seconds. Then the person turned to the right, and started walking away from me. So all I could see was the black outline of a body. I yelled "Who the Fuck are you!?!?" probably twice. As she walked away she came to my curtains and walked right through them. That part didn't seem real to me..

So after that I ran out of my room and went upstairs. I just sat on the couch for a couple of minutes told my roommate what happened when he came in and probably freaked him out. I was too creeped out to go downstairs and get my cellphone until this morning..

I was tripping out, until I finally passed out on my couch. The person walking through my curtains isn't what scared me, what scared me was waking up and seeing something staring at me.. Like right next to my bed just watching me.. Her eyes were open wide, but I couldn't read them. Sort of seemed emotionless, maybe evil, maybe not.

When I woke up and kinda yelled/screamed ish twice.. it didn't faze her. She just turned around and calmly walked away, like very calmly. and she walked right through the curtains.

Haha that image of opening my eyes and seeing someone staring at me is probably going to freak me out for a while haha. It's funny that, probably the second scariest thing that I ever remember seeing happens to me and all I can do is laugh about it. I wish I could hear myself scream from last night.. hahaha I'mma probably be sleeping with my lights on for a while now. Unless I get some wifey.. hahah. just playing that never happens

Dru-P

"

Continuing with that story, I still sleep in that room with the lights on, unless somebody's staying over, which still never happens ;) haha.. But real talk I woke up and seen somebody standing at the edge of my bed right over me, looking down on me. That is still and always will be scary to me. As for *Linda, her eyes have a glow/spark to them like a lot of life in her eyes and they are far from emotionless. :) But los ojos de *Linda still reminds me of what I seen that night. Have any of ya'll seen los ojos de *Linda??

I've heard similar stories, where people froze up when things like that have happened. I'm so thankful that I didn't freeze up because who knows what would have happened then :(

and the girls first name flows a whole lot better with the story than Linda does, but oh well.. No need to make anybody famous unless they wanna be haha

Dru-P

Can't sleep.. Too Psycho Part II

2010-02-24T00:01:00.000-08:00

So if you read the last post you might of got out of it that I got played, got done dirty or what not. Really I don't know what to think about all of that.

But I was mad for over a week. I tried to just ignore the situation, I tried to deal with it by telling other people what happened. I wouldn't tell them the who what when where why and how. I'd just share some details to get it off my chest. It was wierd like I wasn't necessarily sad, I was just mad. Like a psycho.

So girl started texting me on Monday, it was feeling like things were gonna be alright. Trying to patch things up I guess. I showed up at her house and she started dissing me a little bit. One thing led to another and I eventually went off on her. She told me that she was testing me and I failed. So I told her she been failing all my tests.

The problem is I wasn't just name calling. I talked about how I could never trust her, how I thought she was bi polar. How she blames everybody else for her problems, talks bad about her friends and then I kept going. I went in on character defects, on her whole way of thinking. I spent two hours going off, and girl teared up twice during that and swung on me a couple of times during that. Luckily I'm fast as lightning and avoided getting hit haha..

I feel bad about doing that, I mean you can look at it like she deserved it, or she needed to hear it. But really I'm only here to uplift. It's really my fault for not checking girl, instead I was just holding back thinking that she was a distraction and letting everything go without saying anything. Because I thought I could make it until March and then when I go back home, it's like Peace B@@&h hahah, sorry.. When I caught feelings for the distraction that's when it all started getting messed up. I should never bring a girl down like that. Nobody deserves that.

So I went and got her flowers knowing my apology would fall on deaf ears. Sometimes you get so blinded by things that you can't pay attention, or you just act weird when your in that drama storm. I may have said some things I regret.

I could talk bad about somebody all day but really there's no point. If girl hurts me, or makes me feel really good, she's still doing more then anybody else. After the trial and after VK passed away I was just numb for months, I couldn't feel. Girl made me feel again. I'mma always love and respect her for that. She gave me something to look forward to, gave me inspiration, brought me back to life. And girl reminded me that I can pull females. I know that some people think I can just pull whatever I want, but that isn't true at all.. I never know how to get at them, and I never got love from the ones that I wanted.

I guess my confidence got upped a lot through everything. When I broke up with my ex people told me there were plenty of other fish in the sea.. I responded, But I'm from the river, and it's winter. I said I have to love myself before I could love anybody else. Right now I know that if I focus on myself, keep my head strong and my heart pure that everything else will work itself out. Good girls, bad girls, crazy girls, all types been showing me love I just been too drunk to notice hahaha.. Not really drunk in the sense of alcohol, I just haven't been here. Everyday I live, everyday is fun. :) :) Sorry for going in on you like that, you deserve much better.

Can't Sleep.. Too Psycho Part I

2010-02-18T00:38:00.001-08:00

I'm writing this blog because right now I'm psycho, can't sleep, just really mad about something that happened.

I believe that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are all responsible for who we become.

Where I'm from nobody had it easy growing up, we all had to go through a lot of hard times. Pretty much nobody had money when I was growing up. I've had to deal with a lot of things, but I've always known that there were other people who had it worse. I've seen people rise above everything, and other people let their past hold them back. I made a promise to myself that I'd never be a victim. I met a girl who was a true victim and she had it a lot worse then I did growing up, unthinkable things were done to her. I liked this girl a lot, and always tried to uplift her. We are all responsible for what we become.

I have a habit of burying my emotions, hiding my fears, and ignoring my demons. I've never been played before, and I don't know how to handle it. Right now I'm a psycho. Trying not to get carried away, cuz if I get carried away, who's gonna carry the weight?

From time to time we all ask what if.. In the situation with this girl, I'm asking what if.. She had a lover who passed away.. if he was still alive, would he get cheated on too?? What if.. What if.. Daddy never hit mom? What if.. What if P never did me wrong.. I can't ask what if.. I just have to appreciate everything for what it is.. But I catch feelings.. I ain't here cuz I fell down, I'm here cuz I got up. Some people can't get back up, I'm thankful for Dedication. I'm thankful that I always have something to look forward to. I'm thankful For the Fam. You have to appreciate everything for what it is, even if you don't know what it is, just live.

I'm hurt, kicked, beaten but not shattered. Everyday I live. Sometimes those buried demons, and emotions come out, I learned a while ago to not try to control what you feel. I've also learned that the details never matter. 2 of my best friends passed away, I've only accepted one of them as passing. People ask me about details, that doesn't matter.

I should be just mad that I got played, but right now I'm like those people, focusing on the details. The fact that I brought girl flowers, a Happy Birthday Card, Chocolates and some other stuff the same day, and I left and everything was good, then when I left.. Somebody else came through.. That's just details.. The details will drive you crazy, Fuck the details.

I know I'm wack for catching feelings, But I'll be alright.. Just have to focus on me, gotta sound good, look good, and be smart. If I keep my head strong and my heart pure everything will be alright. Just have to make it through the night, cuz every storm passes.

When things are out of your control you have to Fugheddaboutit.. Capiche?

My Running Story

2010-02-16T23:51:00.000-08:00

So I ran into a girl yesterday, and she said that she seen me running. She was like "your so fast but you always talk bad about yourself and running." Like people might think that I suck or something..

The truth is, I ran for EWU, and that's a D1 program. Speed is relative, sure I was the man in high school. Didn't even have to try to win most races, pretty much number 1 or 2 in the area. I got 7th at 1-2-3A state in Cross country and like 14th in the 4A 2-mile and 1-mile. That's Alaska though.. I could say all day that I should of won state in cross, but I didn't.. I didn't try that day, just didn't push myself. That's the hardest thing you know, knowing I didn't finish a race tired. I had a game plan all year where I would go out hard, but at state I was afraid to take the lead so I hung onto second, and felt like I was in a daze as I slowly got passed by a few runners at a time.

I came out here to EWU my freshman year as a walk on, without doing any running the previous Summer at all. So I was just a redshirt. But I got better all year, and worked hard. Came on as our number 14 runner, and left my freshmen year as I'd say our number 6 or 7. Coach Dan Hilton always tried to break me my freshmen year. He'd say "Your not in High School anymore!!" Which was true, I went from being one of the best in my state to one of the worst on the team.. If I was getting beat by the rest of the team at practice he'd make me run with and pace the girls. That embarrassed the hell out of me. If I did good in a workout he'd ball the rest of the team out for letting me beat them. Instead of congratulating me for working hard, he'd be mad at everybody else.

At the end of my freshmen year he told me "Lose 10 pounds or your off the team." I said "Even if I'm top 5", and he said "Even if your top 5".. So I trained all Summer, and worked hard. I was training with a Kenyan who was ranked top 50 or 100 in the 1500 in the world. I had like 4.5% body fat, but I just didn't look anorexic enough I guess.

But coming back from my freshmen year my car broke down in Canada. So I couldn't make the tryouts, when I emailed coach telling him I'd be a week late. He told the rest of the team the next day at practice "Dru quit.." I guess I let my pride hold me back from forcing my way onto the track team for indoor which was just 3 months away. After that, I would still be training.. Until eventually I stopped running really. Started dating a short Italian girl, gained like 30 pounds.. And Then one day coach Dan Hilton quit.

After Hilton quit, people on the team started talking to me. Like you should make the mighty comeback. I mean I started feeling like a fat boy, and my brother L Moe would always talk to me when he had a few too many drinks in him. Like, "Your gonna look back and be like, I should of stuck with it." and then L Moe would start talking about his glory days of Skiing and what not haha.. So the next Summer I started training again. Got up to about 70 miles a week, but I was still feeling too heavy. I didn't really trust my legs anymore. I went to tryouts thinking I wouldn't make the team, and ended up with everybody like "Dam, Dru doesn't run for 2 years.. And then comes back faster then when he left.." I lost like 40 pounds in a couple of months, but I was losing muscle too. Because I was losing weight so fast.

I started PR'ing in every race, but didn't really know what I was doing. We don't really do track in Alaska, so when track came around I didn't really ever like it. I started getting good torwards the end, because I was going through the breakup. I would just go all out everyday in practice, hoping that the fatigue in my body would take some pain from my heart. I was kind of a psycho.
Nah scratch that I was hella psycho. But that Psycho made me get into real good shape.

The next year during cross I came back faster.. I'd hit my previous year's PR on slow courses. But I always want to be faster, and I still feel so new to running again, that I'd just be improving more and more every race. Learning new things, new tricks, new strategies all the time. I rarely ever walked away from a race happy, because I knew I could always do better. Or I'd pick apart where I could of did things differently.

Track season came, and like I said I'm not the biggest fan of track. But I started PR'ing everytime I raced. Won races against all of the smaller schools so I started gaining confidence. But at the same time I was mad that I didn't see competition good enough to get me a qualifying time to conference. I went into conference as a wild card, and PR'd again, in triple digit weather. I think it was around 105-107 when I raced. I was racing with people way faster then me, but I didn't let that heat or anything else get into my head. I know I'm only going to run as fast as I'm capable of running. That's how I relax, worst case scenario is I don't give it everything I have. My friends on the team were laughing like everybody was scared of the heat, and I'm dancing at the starting line waiting for the gun to go off.

When I look back at conference I can see my mistakes and pick them apart. Some wierd things happened that I hadn't seen all year, so I didn't know how to react. If I trusted my legs more I might have gone 10 seconds faster. But when all was said and done I PR'd in 105 degree weather. Ran D1 track for EWU, had a lot of fun, challenged myself, and learned a lot.

I still feel kind of robbed by Dan Hilton, and if I see him I might punch him in the face. But don't think I suck at running because I say I suck. Speed is relative. I always feel like I have something to prove.. You know, you go all out or be gone. I ain't here cuz' I fell down, I'm here cuz' I got up. Dedication. After my eligibility was up, I'd still be training. But Really I've only been doing like 2 or 3 races a year max. I think somewhere along the line I've gotten scared of losing. Like I said speed is relative. You can be the fastest person on the planet, one day. But the next day who knows how you are. You have to continue to test yourself, it's the only way to know where you are at.

Right now I'm working on slowly getting my miles up so I can get in a few big races this Summer. I've learned to relax and let your training do the talking on race day. Right now I'm running because well. I like to run. And yes, I've got something to prove.

Dru-P (Dominant Runner Under Pressure)